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January 24, 2007


Feminism Trumps Psalm Singing Whales

If one allometrically scales the taxon mammals for encephalization quotient the results indicate that man and the porpoise are most equal. This affinity, (i.e. similar brain weight) alone could explain why porpoises and humans interact so well.
Also, whales, followed by elephants, rank highest in brain size surpassing the three-pound brain weight of man and porpoise.
These facts lead one to a complete teleological construct for the animal kingdom, plants included, and the universe: an all inclusive religion.
Simply stated, plants and man, each of carbon and water, seek similar corporal and spiritual nourishment, hallmarked by the “big brains” speaking or singing their love of God (generic).
It is a beautiful theory. All existence, all spirituality, gloriously, harmoniously, and ever so upliftingly encapsulated.
Man and plants together turn to the same spiritual sun and the hauntingly beautiful whale songs are psalms to God, hymns to the infinite.
Oh crap! It appears that female whales can’t or don’t or aren’t allowed to sing.
What a God darn bummer. Well, it was a nice oasis of spirituality while it lasted.
But wait! If women can marry other women and women are equal to men and females of ancient lizard species are procreating by both laying and fertilizing eggs themselves, then ergo the male whales might just be helping with the household chores and all is well. Yes? No? Maybe?


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